Cycling humor - Many consider this an oxymoron. You decide!
Computer humor - Okay, computers are not funny. But I feel better picking on them.
Free Exercise Program - Despite some humor, this is a serious workout program, especially if you're short on time or pursue other programs.
Public Relations - Good advice for getting out good words.
Photo Gallery A potpourri of various scenes. Okay, it's egotistical, but maybe you'll see something that piques your interest. Including:
Links and information - General links as well as a number of wonderful clients - sites with excellent information on topics such as developmental disabilities, mental illness and even first aid for pets!
I know that most of you think Election Day is a different type of Christmas, that you will be blessed with an "upgrade" under your political Christmas tree.
Unfortunately, like a Microsoft Windows Upgrade, what we are going to get is probably not what we need. Instead of Glorious Leader 2002, we are apt to get Political Airhead 1.0 or Experienced Bloatware 4.9. We may end up yearning for our once despised Fillandering Competence 2.1
Some of the local contests are no better. We’re faced with a number of Mean-and-Nasty 3.0s versus Nasty-and-Mean 2.9 races. I keep hoping for a bug fix, but none has been issued.
Some suggest that what we need is a new operating system, but frankly I don’t think that is the answer. Besides, we could end up with something designed by hackers or a big Unix system. I won’t even go there.
Here is some stuff that you may have seen
but is still worth a laugh. Go here
But I know you're not interested in that, so here are some other things to occupy you: tips on public relations, an exercise program for people in a hurry, scenes of my favorite places, and a few jokes for good measure.
If you are indeed interested in high quality at affordable costs, consider some of my services:
* Desktop publishing.
* Web Design and Site Maintenance
* Public relations, marketing and branding.
E-mail your inquiries to email@example.com or call (816) 781-1299
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|I am proud to be a SOHO worker.
It was some time before I realized SOHO had nothing to do with a cool area of London and in fact meant I was a worker in a Small Office/Home Office. Now, I am long past apologizing for working out of my home, although I’m aware that some people not only raise their eyebrows, but also step aside as if the walk were covered in cow pies. That’s fine. I like making good money working in sweatpants. And no, I don’t sleep until noon. In fact, one of the reasons this works for me is because I often wake at 4 a.m. and can easily go to work. Billable hours before sunrise!
But working at home does have some surprising challenges. Take a recent animal control issue.
Not long ago, we had our roof replaced because of the tornado and the roofers must have removed some of my homemade plugs I'd used to fill holes under the eaves. For nearly a month, I heard noises but assumed these were simply heavy-footed squirrels on the roof. Then I realized they were in the attic!
The problem is my attic is pretty much inaccessible, thanks to the remodeling that turned most of it into my home office. The remainder is a small crawl space that would require a lot of sawing to reach. I had visions of squirrels breeding up there until their sheer weight brought them crashing through the ceiling. Of course, long before that I’d be driven mad by the incessant sound of their scurrying feet. I worried they would chew the wrong wire and start a fire.
So like any modern person, I looked on the Internet. One site said squirrels hate mothballs. So I cleverly deduced that I could access that overhead crawl space by taking apart the bathroom vent fan, which would open a hole into the squirrel infected attic. Then I could take a fist full of mothballs, reach up through the opening, and fling them in one direction or another, more or less filling the area with mothballs.
I will admit that it occurred to me what this must look like to any squirrel that happened to awake one morning to see a human arm extending up through a new hole in their domain. Suddenly, the arm would lash forward, flinging a small fusillade of round objects first one way, then the other.
I waited eagerly for the mothballs to work. I envisioned hundreds of squirrels fleeing from my attic, perhaps alarming any of my neighbors who observed this infestation in reverse. Unfortunately, I soon learned from the sound of scampering squirrel feet that the mothballs had essential no impact at all. For all I know, the squirrels thought they were candy.
I should note that there is a completely humane reason I didn’t use poison. Many of you will have deduced that such tactics would result in the squirrels expiring in the attic and creating a less than attractive odor. I should note that this remodeled attic not only includes my office but also our home’s master bedroom, which already smelled a lot like mothballs. I did not want to add the odor of decaying squirrel carcasses to this mixture.
Finally, I spent about $80 on live traps. At first they didn't work, but then I added some of my expensive oiled sunflower bird food to the bait and things quickly changed! I caught three squirrels in two days. Progress!
I should note this squirrel catching quickly took on a pleasant familiarity and even a masculine thrill. I’d be working away at my computer and hear a satisfying “clang” from one the traps. Sure enough, a furry critter would be inside the trap, looking somewhat panicky at his or her new surroundings. But I’m no sadist, although I may have mentioned to my captives that this was what they deserved. I took them to a wildlife area and released them. They may have ended up as owl food, but at least I had done my bit.
Then one morning things got a bit too exciting. After a morning workout and a quick bath (another home office perk) I caught a fourth squirrel. Unfortunately, as I was carrying the cage downstairs the damn trap door fell open and the squirrel got loose. My cats were no helpthey ran in the opposite direction.
You would not believe how much territory a squirrel can cover inside a small office. I swear at one point he was running upside down across the ceiling as I tried to grab him, all the while preparing for him to leap at my face and use those sharp little teeth.
Now, after my hot bath that morning I had left the water in the tub because it heats up the area for several hours. This was winter, which probably had something to do with squirrels coming inside. Naturally, after dashing across the ceiling and trying to eat my face, the squirrel leapt right into the bathtub. I’m fairly certain that when he awoke that morning, this squirrel did not expect to later find himself swimming in bubble bath.
However, this did make it easy to pick him up, although I was lucky to be wearing my leather gloves. I returned him to the cage and began to ponder what to do with a soaking wet squirrel. It was 17° out and to take him outside immediately would have been cruel, to say nothing of leaving me with the question of how to dispose of a frozen squirrel. So I put some newspapers on a chest and set the whole thing in front of a sunny window. I ran a small fan across the room to keep the air moving. Within three hours, the squirrel was dry and I took him to join his friends at the nature sanctuary. I must say, however, that we became good friends during that short time. I could tell he appreciated my efforts.